Well, I’m now waist deep in single parenting.  I have developed a new respect for my sisters and brothers who deal with this all of the time.

I am SO angry that __________ called the night before he was supposed to show up at 6 am so I could go do my show without the boys.  He called me and asked ME how could he help?  He actually called 2x asking me what he could do bc he understood that I was home without the hubs at the time.  I told him exactly what I wanted and he emphatically agreed.  So, I believed him and relied on his fucking word.  So when he calls and cancels leaving me with NO options but to take the boys to the studio with me I just got SOOOO pissed.  WTF?! Why did you have me rely on you?  Why DID I rely on you?  I know better than that.  Your reliability is about 68% which is better than it was when I was a child, but not quiet enough for me to put all my eggs in.  I fucked up.  I had magic thinking.  I believed to fully.  I was gullible.


Good Morning, SOULdiers:

#TodaysTarot 7 Disks – Failure. Humble yourself is the advice of this card. Whereas the rest of this post is must the ramblings of a madwoman….

On this 1st day of #LibraSeason where do you need to Humble Yourself?

My experience this weekend humbled me. I’m not sure which karmic debt yesterday was sent from a demonic dimension to chastise me for, but I hope that was the end of it. ~SHIT~ I went from having everything in order and planned out to having a last minute show with my last minute boys in tow because…IDK why, I wasn’t actually given an excuse, just this bag of disappointment to hold. Reliability is a rare trait these days. Is there an app for that? Then when I was lamenting on my whole woe-is-me rant to a friend, she gently reminded me that I am, in fact, a ‘short timer’ and I would need to take that experience and multiply it across all weekends and all weeks to match her experience bc -as a single mom- my shitty weekend is what she calls ‘a Weekend’.

? to consider when we are dealing with Failure.
Where have I overestimated? Where have I over-trusted? Is there a way to be more cautious? Is there an underlying fear affecting my decisions? Is this the worst failure that was possible? (if you can think of a worse outcome, find gratitude)

Soul Sanctuary 9-8-18

Today is about rewriting internal dialogue. For example: if you can hear the difference between standing in the mirror and saying:
‘You stupid, fat, F*ck!’


‘Thank you to my body’s wisdom for allowing me to experience the physical manifestation of comfort by letting me carry this extra thick security blanket around on my body. This gave me enough time to figure out how to deal with my emotions on a mental level and now I’m strong enough to live without the extra support. I release you with Love and Honor.’

you CAN do this!

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2nd Second Saturday Shadow Work  Soul Sanctuary

9/7/18 5:48 am

5:48 am 9/7/18

I can feel the weight of carrying something I cannot see.  This something is blocking me from easy decision.  It weighs on me, like a mourning.  It’s a pain from somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind.  I wonder what it is.  It may be the beginning of a remembrance that has crippled me that needs to be rewritten.  It may be initiating the end of something I thought was permanent.  It’s something that needs to be done.   Or it leads to something that needs to e done. It is unceasing.  It is not a question of if I will have to deal with it, but when.  Why does it have weight?  Why is it distracting me from everyday stuff?

I lit 2 candles.  1 blue for clarity and 1 white for strength